Wednesday September 19, 2012

I’ve got a bunch of small irritants today. Not just one big thing that is lighting my world on fire; just a bunch of small things.

Let’s start with automated phone messages. Can we please set these things up so that we can quickly navigate through them? I don’t want to press in my phone number and account number and the last four digits of my social security number only to find out that I have to press zero for an operator just to be asked for that same information again. And you’ll excuse me for going ‘Merican for a minute, because I believe that we should take "your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free." I welcome everyone who wants what I have, I welcome you with open arms honestly. But is it asking too much to dial "1" for English and not "2"? Seriously -- What the Hell is up with that?

I once used my wife’s credit card to make a purchase in a department store. Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful because at the end of the day I had permission to use the card and I wasn’t doing anything fraudulent. But, when you ask me for the card to check the signature I would think that the first thing you’d notice is I’m not VICKIE! What if my wife had lost her card and someone picked it up and was using it? This could have very easily been my story. I could have been buying a lifetime supply of crew socks and boxer shorts on someone else’s dime.

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But when the clerk turned it over, looked at it and handed it back to me I said, "Did the signature match? Because I just found that card in the parking lot!" Now, I said it with a smile on my face and the clerk just laughed. Really? What the Hell is Up With That?

Viagra commercials. I am no prude, this I can tell you. But I also don’t need to see a middle-aged couple brushing up against each other in the kitchen, then be fed the visual that those two will be Jello wrestling in the bedroom all because he took a little blue pill. I’m not saying it’s not a legitimate condition. I’m sure it is. And I’m not suggesting that medication can’t help. I’m just saying there could be a more clinical approach when talking about how to get happy in the pants. Again, I’m not a prude: I’ve got the same problem with commercials about feminine napkins and hygiene products. I just don’t need the visuals. What the Hell is Up with That?

And finally, teachers. These are the people paid to teach our children and mold young minds. These are the folks that get weekends and holidays off, they lounge about all summer; a part-time job for full-time pay -- right? Wrong.

The average teacher puts in about 11 hours a day (55 hours a week). Sure, their actual "workday" may be seven hours long, but if the work assignment was to do a four-page paper on the Civil War, when do you think those papers get graded? If a student needs help with something, when do you think that happens? Let’s not forget about lesson plans; those things can take hours to put together. Yet, when I did a search of the top 100 paid professions I found things like Expatriate Administrator IV (I have no idea what that is), CRM Targeted Marketing Campaign Manager and a Wafer Process Development Manager. Again, I have no idea what any of those are, nor do I care to know. But as I looked down the list of the 100 top paid I didn’t see teacher. And I didn’t see teacher because the approximate starting wage in Vermont for a teacher is about $25,000. But hey, if you’re comfortable with them earning that little money while molding future minds then try and remember the next time you feel as though you need to pop off at the system that maybe you should be trying to help and not hinder. What the Hell is up with that?

Fish is the morning talent on Classic Hits 92.7 FM. He also offers up his opinion on-line at www.whatda hell.net. E-mail him at fish@wk vt.com.