I’ve been really trying not to pay attention. Seriously, when I stop and think about the world around us, I frankly can’t keep up with it. Government shutdowns, Obamacare (also known as the Affordable Care Act), baseball playoffs, the new $100 bill, a lady gunned down in D.C. and a man who set himself on fire at the National Mall ... and we’re still talking about Miley Cyrus and the Pats lost -- Jets won! Like I said, I can’t keep up with it all so I really try not to pay attention. But sometimes that’s just not possible.
Government shutdown, also known as "I’m taking my ball and going home." I’ve lost sight of why we’re closed for business, to be perfectly honest with you. The media hype is leaning towards blaming the House GOP and the House GOP is blaming the Affordable Care Act (which, for the record, is the exact same thing as Obamacare. When polled, people said they preferred ACA over Obamacare ... don’t be one of those people). Now I’m confused as to how you can take umbrage with a law and shut down the government. It’s like taking umbrage with the law that says you can’t kill people and because no one will listen you take your ball and go home. But while you’re going home you shut down the government, leaving close to a million people without their paychecks, all the while collecting your paycheck! Not bad work if you can get it.
But this has created some crazy inside-the-Beltway behavior. A woman led D.C. police on a high-speed car chase in the downtown area before she was stopped and shot to death. It’s a tragic story that I think will end with tales of a mental illness, but not before we beat it to death and turn it into a conspiracy theory wrought with racism and desperation. At the end of the day, a woman is dead and I’m sure that no police officer involved is happy about it. But by the time the lawyers put the clamps on everything we’ll never get to hear that side of it. Then it becomes the media’s job to twist and turn it into something it may or may not be.
Spoiler alert: The next thing I’m really trying not to pay attention to is the Twerk Jerk, whose mother calls her Miley. She went on the Today Show and told Matt Lauer (who, if you’ll excuse me for saying so, I think is a droid from another planet doing reconnaissance on us and one day will be our leader) that she was just looking for attention. So she got it and in fact is still getting attention for a foam finger, booty shaking, stripping, grinding, and tongue out dance that she calls art. Yup, as it turns out, she considers herself an artist. But I wonder this: When she looks at her art does she compare herself to the John Lennons of the world? I’m a morning DJ and I think I do an OK job, but I’m not delusional. I know where I am on the spectrum.
Then there are sports. Here’s where I do pay more attention. It was a miserable year for my Yankees and the result of that is me not being forced to pay attention to playoffs even though I enjoy watching. Football, on the other hand! I’m also a Giants fan! Yup, it looks like I’m in for a miserable year with them, too! But they traded for a linebacker, Joe Beason? I’m not sure why. The guy can’t stay healthy and he was playing for Carolina. So this move for him will be like jumping from the Hindenburg onto the Titanic.
So I’m gonna go back to not paying attention anymore. It’s easier, less aggravating and I find myself not having to utter aloud -- What the Hell is Up with that?