Well, congratulations! You’ve made it! Another year in the books -- 2013 gone, 2014 howdy doody. So what are you going do with it? Are you going to make a bunch of false resolutions and push on? Are you going to follow through on anything you’ve been thinking about since the ‘80s? Maybe this is the year, maybe it’s not -- I don’t know. Me, I’m gonna keep pushing on, forward momentum, can’t stop this train -- 2013 tried to stop me (and my wife) a few times: It took my mother in law, my dog, Max, and our very dear friend, Jo Hulbirt, but at the end of the year we keep moving ... yes, slowly at times but moving none the less. So, I guess I’ll just keep moving.
Personally I’ve got one goal -- IMAZ! In English that translates to Ironman Arizona. My race is in November, so the hectic training schedule will begin toward the end of May. For now, I do my level best to maintain what I already have so I can get stronger and make this thing as easy as humanly possible. But if it doesn’t get easier I’m getting an epidural and some horse tranquilizers from the vet so I can keep pushing forward. Hey! Don’t judge. I have to cover 140.6 miles in one day, powered by me, myself and I, so if I have to take some kind of performance improving equine drug ... well, I might just do it!
So, hello 2014! Just hours old at this point and full of endless possibilities. The first day of the year is a good reset for a lot of folks. I’ve always believed that you can hit that reset button whenever you want, but let’s face it ... a nationally recognized day really gives you that definitive line in the sand. For me, I’ve hit the reset as many as five times in one day so a day such as Jan. 1 doesn’t mean anything for me. But if you’ve got to use it to do some good for you, then don’t fool around. Hit that reset button with a sledge hammer!
OK. So instead of doing an obvious year in review I’d like to talk about the people who in 2013 wound up on my list of people that I would like to shoot out of a canon into space or right at a brick wall (you can choose whichever scenario helps you sleep better. For me, it would be a brick wall). OK, let’s start with Justin Bieber; splat! Explain to me how, even in a society where we communicate best by thumbing letters into an electronic device to talk to one another, even a shortbus candidate such as Bieber could tour the Anne Frank house then suggest she would be a Belieber (what he calls his fans). So, not only splat, but I would like to take whatever remains, stuff them back into the cannon and shoot them into space! Bu-bye! Second on my list: Anyone who is "famous for being famous." If I can’t have all of them, then I will take the Kardashians in hopes that it sends a message to the rest of the mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging meatheads that behave badly for ratings. And finally ... tongue out, butt cheeks out, swinging on a wrecking ball achey breaky idiot ... Miley Cyrus. As the kids say -- OMG!!! Limited in the talent department, she finds herself forcing the word "twerking" into my vocabulary and removing clothing so that she can keep people talking about her -- SPLAT! OK. One more ... anything that’s called Lilo, but that’s it, so we can move on.
In an effort to start this year off on the right foot, let me say this: Every week for the past eight years I’ve written this column. Sometimes the topic is very controversial, sometimes funny and sometimes serious. But one thing that it always is, is this -- a pleasure to do. I enjoy hearing from you when you agree or disagree; it lets me know that you care about what I have to say. So as we begin 2014 let me say this to you -- thank you! Because without you, there’s no What the Hell is Up with that?!