Did you ever have those super anxious days where you felt as though nothing was going to go right and everything bad was gonna happen? Most of the times you can link that kind of stuff to a poor night’s sleep or a few series of events that are unrelated but nevertheless unpleasant. I never try to say a year is good or bad, but so far 2013 has been a weird one. Again, all events to date have been unrelated but they’ve all somewhat fallen on my radar or my wife’s and they’ve all been Š well, just not nice. For the most part I’ll spare you the details but it’s been creating some anxious days for me.
For the past week my wife has been in Michigan dealing with her mother who has not been well. She has the support of brothers and sisters, and of course me holding down the fort here in the Green Mountain State. Her mother’s prognosis is bleak at best and we will most likely loose her in short order, which of course makes me incredibly sad. But it also adds to this overwhelming sense of anxiousness with a side of doom and gloom I have and can’t seem to shake. So we could classify these as hard days I guess. I know that better days will come; I understand that I’m not in a permanent spiral. But sometimes it’s just hard to work through them.
My mom once told me that the calendar has away of taking care of things. In time we learn to deal with the harshness that life hands us, but when it happens, it’s a sudden blow and you need time to adjust. Much like having a bucket of ice water thrown on you, the initial impact is a shock to the system, then shock, the upset and eventually you may be able to even laugh about it. But when it happens - it stinks!
But we get ourselves into dry clothes and we move forward.
So even though my days are spent in this uncomfortable anxious state I keep in front of me the ideal that the calendar heals all. It doesn’t mean that a scar won’t remain; it doesn’t mean that the things that happen will un-happen. But over time better days will come and our ability to have those cathartic moments of conversation or thoughts will become more the order of the day. It’ll be when we can look back and draw a smile for a facial expression as opposed to a frown. But getting through these times are the hardest. When I lost my mom it was hard, we knew it was coming and it came. I draw from that experience the ability to know that talking about that person while laughing is possible. Because whenever we bring up my mom as casual conversation it’s usually to put a smile on someone’s face.
But for now I await a phone call I don’t want to get, but one I have to answer because the person on the other end will need my strength as I needed hers when the situation was reversed. That will be ground zero and we will build from there knowing that every day that passes will bring us closer to smiles. That is what I’m hanging onto right now.
Hopefully you’re able to take this and apply it to your tough times. I hope it brings you some clarity, and some sense of knowing that this too shall pass. Because when your slogging through it, it can get tough. And of course we’ve always got the all important question when things are really bothering us that we can fall back on in confusing times - What the Hell is up with that?