Fish: Stop sucking the joy out of the holidays


Congratulations, you've nearly made it!

Only two more days and all the stress will wash over you like cheap bourbon! Yup, another 48 hours and it's over, then the only thing left to do is return the gifts you don't like and successfully make your first credit card payment. The fat guy will be tucked in at the North Pole and we can start to concentrate on important stuff again, like how to get your relatives to go back to their own homes. But, hey ... Merry Christmas!

Every year (and this year is no different) I have to remind everyone that nobody is waging war on Christmas by wishing you a Happy Holiday. Conversely, nobody is ignoring your faith or religion by wishing you a Merry Christmas. It's nothing more than a gesture of kindness in a world where we could use as much kindness as humanly possible.

The whole "keeping the Christ in Christmas" thing? For me that is built on some misguided paranoia that the retailers around the world would ever let this holiday go. They won't. Nope, Christmas ain't going anywhere. But you do need to understand that we are a melting pot of faiths and sometimes those faiths share different holidays. If we can all understand that, then we'll all be fine.

While I'm on the "more tolerance" kick, let me put this out to all you helicopter parents. If you celebrate the birth of Christ then Claus and stranger danger become part of the same sentence? It's SANTA CLAUS! The jolly old elf who has dedicated his life to children's well-being. Perhaps the world's biggest socialist, because regardless of wealth or poverty, he believes that every kid should get a toy. I'm gonna ignore for the moment the fact that he works his elves around the clock in sweatshop conditions. Rather, I'm going to focus on the history of the man himself.

St. Nicholas was his humble beginnings. A saint ... one of the good guys. Yes, he's evolved into something that sells Coca Cola and Mercedes Benz cars, but that shouldn't deter you from allowing your child to go through the painful gyration of sitting on the fatman's lap, telling him what they want for Christmas!

More and more I'm hearing this, and it honestly gets my blood boiling to a point of wanting to get slappy. Every single parent out there enforcing this no-sit-down rule sat on Santa's lap, so when did the tide turn for you? Are you mad because you didn't get the Pony? Perhaps you asked and didn't receive the Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock ("A Christmas Story"), because Santa thought you'd shoot your eye out. Whatever the reason is, here's what I'm telling you — all of you are sucking the fun out of the holidays. You're peeling away at the very innocence of the time of year, which in case you need to be reminded is for the kids, not for your overprotective paranoia that someone may snatch your child in front of hundreds of people. So I beg you, stop over-thinking it! Stop with all the unnecessary worrying about a grown man in a red suit who listens to children's dreams. All of it is unfounded.

If you want to worry about something, worry about Santa! That guy has thousands and thousands of snot-soaked kids coughing and wheezing all over him on all of the 12 days of Christmas. And yes! That includes your little carrier monkey; sorry to be the one who points that out.

Now, if you're not one of those parents, then I applaud you. You're keeping the mysticism around the holidays alive, you are perpetuating the magic of the holidays. After all, the reason for the season is goodwill and cheer, not fear mongering and paranoia!

But let's not end it on that note. There are only eight days left in 2015, so please by all means, enjoy them, cherish the ones you love and be happy that they're in your life. Even if they're ruining Christmas! What the hell is up with that?

Fish is the morning talent on Classic Hits 92.7 FM. He also offers up his opinion online at Email him at


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