An open letter to my daughter’s ex-boyfriend
Editor of the Reformer:
After many conversations with my daughter about you and her relationship with you, I have decided to write this letter to you. My initial instinct was to pen it and whisk it your way via a Facebook Message, so that you could personally read it, and know that it came directly from me. My daughter convinced me that this course of action was essentially an exercise in making myself feel better, that you would take little or nothing from the interaction considering the source, and that the endpoint worth of such an interaction was little or naught.
Therefore, I write this letter in some semblance of anonymity, and hope that it is read and understood more generally, and perhaps absorbed by other young men of courting age, that they might take it to heart.
Let me begin by saying that I think you are a misogynistic, anti-feminist dink. You’re the well-educated son of well-educated professionals, living the comfortable life of the transplanted liberal in Vermont. Sorry, no excuses.
Let me enumerate now, my complaints about you.
1. Boundaries are not goal lines. When a woman (or any other person you profess to care about) defines for you a line across which she would like you not to go, that is not an invitation to find a way to cross it. If you care about her, as you say you do, you would care that she has expressed that these boundaries mean something to her, and you would respect them. You would respect her. Not respecting the boundaries set by those you say you love is the same as not respecting that person.
2. Friends and lovers are not conquests. The moment you brag about your friends, those you are talking to suspect you. The moment you brag about your lovers, the same is true. Whether or not your content is true, the fact that you use your interactions to aggrandize yourself has only two effects: it degrades the person about whom you are speaking; and it makes you the little one who needs to prove himself by his association with others.
3. Love is good. When love is present, the one who loves wants all good things for the one who’s loved. What is important is that the one loved is happy, safe, and cared for. Love does not ask another to travel dangerous distances to be with him. Love does not ask the one who is loved to give up themselves. Love never asks the one loved to keep their love secret, or quiet. Love is proud, proclaiming, and true. If not, then it is not love, but abuse.
So there I have said it. You are abusive. That you are so young, that you are so hormonal (horny), and that you are so inexperienced is not an excuse. The bottom line is that you have entered into this world of sexual interaction, and by doing so, proclaimed yourself ready and able. If the truth is that you are a fatuous child, and unable to relate in a way that is respectful of those with whom you relate, then you should leave.
In your current state, you only continue the ugly practice of making "love" cheap, and making abuse the norm. We have all of that we need.
Your ex-girlfriend’s father
Editor’s note: While we don’t typically run anonymous letters to the editor, we have contacted this letter writer to confirm his identity. Given the subject matter, and the broad appeal of this letter, we have chosen to run it without a name.
The importance of assistant judges
Editor of the Reformer:
It seems early to be talking about elections but Aug. 26 Primaries and Nov. 7 General election will be here before we know it.
My name is Paul Kane and I am running as a Democrat for a position that many know little about: Assistant Judge. This is a position that has the ability to be very important to the judiciary, bar, prosecution, agencies and the people of Windham County. The position is used to assist presiding judge in fact finding on civil cases in Superior and Family Court. The position has the responsibilities of overseeing many administrative duties for the court. But with the right person, who has the education, experience and knowledge of the court system, Judges may find that this position can help with the gridlock that has plagued all courts for years.
As a fact-finder, the assistant judge could look at case plans and dispositions from the Department of Family and Children, and give advice to the sitting judge. I have worked for DCYF and Corrections for years and have written numerous dispositions and case plans and defended them in Family Court.
My experience could be of great assistance in conflict situations as well due to my training. I am trained in conflict resolution and have 100-plus hours of classroom training from real justice in individual and group conferencing. My work with families, individuals, schools, agencies and the court should be a plus. I have used this experience for years with Windham County attorneys and courts feeling that my input has been of value. This experience and training should be used to its full extent. I have those qualities and would work hard to assist Judges, all of the Judiciary, outside agencies and individuals who find themselves in a conflict situation.
As stated I have worked in social service positions for a long period of time (more than 30 years). I have a business that I am still financially involved in and have set up a philanthropic agency with my wife that has given hundreds of thousands of dollars to groups, agencies, and schools in Windham County. I am committed to my county and state and would be honored to serve it in this position.
This is not a position that usually merits debate, as it should be apolitical, but I would be happy to have a forum with other candidates to talk about what could be done with the position. I would also be delighted to talk to any voter in person, E-mail or phone me at email@example.com or 802-722-4501. Thank you in advance for your consideration of a vote.
Paul T. Kane,
Westminster Station, June 20
TALK TO US
If you'd like to leave a comment (or a tip or a question) about this story with the editors, please email us. We also welcome letters to the editor for publication; you can do that by filling out our letters form and submitting it to the newsroom.